Wednesday, May 22, 2013

RIP Little Brother..

This is the hardest post I have ever had to make, but I have to do it for him.

On May 7, 1985 my little brother and sister entered this world. My brother Little Russ came first and 7 minutes late my sister Nicole.

My brother was a brat growing up as all brothers are. He used to get on my nerves so bad, but I love him to death.

On May 7, 2013 they turned 28 years old. On May 9, 2013 at 4:45 PM God took Little Russ from us. He was in a car accident and was thrown from the car. His car flipped 6 times and while it was in the air on the last flip, he was ejected. he landed on the back of his head. He lived for about 30 minutes afterwards.

My brother had a hard life, he got addicted to drugs as a preteen and fought addiction all his life. About 4 years ago he got clean. He was working and had a nice house and 2 cars. He had gained weight and was doing great. Last year, his live in girlfriend left him for another man and he fell apart. He started hanging with his old drug buddies and met what he called his "rebound" girl. On Sunday May 5, 2013 he went to church with my mom and accepted God into his heart. On Wednesday, May 8, 2013 he helped my parents pack for their move to West Virginia. They took pictures with my brother's phone and said see you soon. The next day was the accident. His girlfriend only got cuts and bruises from the accident. My sister and grandmother were notified at 8:30 PM after the State Patrol looked up my brother's name and emergency contact info. The police believe that the scenario of the accident is suspicious. There had been a 911 call a few minutes before the accident saying they were fighting on the side of the road so we know for sure of that.

My brother was a funny, outgoing, crazy, wild person who loved life. he was the type of person who if he came to your house and you did not feel like being picked on or bothered, the first thing you would say would have been, "Not today Russ. Don't even think about it!" He was the life of the party at our wedding. Though he had some really hard times in his life, his favorite saying was, "Life is good despite the bullshit." I will miss him dearly. My sister is crushed, she lost her twin. My mom and dad are devastated. My mom had to say goodbye to her only son and my dad to his youngest son. My kids lost an uncle who they absolutely loved to death. There is also a girl who is 7 months pregnant and he had said the baby was more than likely his so there is a child who will never know his daddy. I am in shock and disbelief, I keep expecting him to come in my grandmother's house and say Haha, it was all a joke. I wish he would, I would beat his ass for this, but God do I wish I could really hug him and hear his voice at least one more time. I didn't get to tell him Happy Birthday. I was working and figured I would speak to him soon. I hadn't spoken to him in a few months. I regret not taking a moment to call my little brother. I did send him a card on FB. I told my mom the day before that if I didn't get to speak to him for her to tell him to go on FB because he never did go on there. I don't know if he did or not, but I doubt it because he would have commented on the card.

My grandmother's neighbor's son lives right across from where the accident happened. he did not know who was in the accident, but he took pictures of the accident and when the paramedics were working on my brother. In the picture below, we know the paramedics were working on him, but we cannot see him. What we can see are 2 figures that look like angels. If you look, you will see 2 white figure, one beside the police expedition and one behind the paramedics near the woods. I believe these angels came to take my brother home. I felt my brother hug me at the funeral home the first day there. I was crying with my son and I felt pressure from behind on my upper back, shoulders, and arms. My son also felt it on his upper arms and shoulders. It was instantly calming. I know he was there and was hugging me. I dreamed about him the night he was killed. I dreamed he was in the casket and dressed exactly as he was when I did see him in the casket. I was fussing him out for not wearing a seatbelt. In my dream he opened his eyes and told me that he was wearing a seatbelt and that everything will be ok. He also tried to tell me something, but I can't remember what it was. I dreamed about him the next night as well, he hugged me and told me something, I feel it was the same thing he told me the night before, but I can't remember it. Many people have felt his presence during the wake and even afterwards.

My brother is now in Heaven with God, our chihuahua we had as children, Smokey, Jesus, our grandfather and his grandparents form his dad's side, as well as with my little angel that I lost only 3 weeks before my brother. He is holding her and telling her all about her mommy and the rest of her family.  I am heartbroken, I regret moving to Mexico. By doing the legal thing with my husband I misse dout on my baby brother's last 2 years. It sucks and I really wish the stupid US government would wake up and realize what they are doing to families. I had to come by myself with my kids to say goodbye to my brother. My husband could not come because of USCIS. We couldn't even try to get an emergency visa because the Consulate was closed for Mother's Day in Mexico! The American Consulate for God's Sake and it was Mother's Day only!! More than likely he would not have gotten the visa, but at least we could have tried. I am so angry with our government at this moment. I should not have had to make that choice. I should have been able to get my husband legal from the US and not have had to leave. Yes, I made the choice to marry my husband, but I should have the right to marry who I choose and not have to worry about immigration consequences.

Here are a few pictures of my brother. May he rest in peace.
12 weeks old

About 2 years old


With his grandfather, twin sister, and aunt

With his nephew, my little boy

He was a lady's man as you can see. The girl in the striped shirt was his girlfriend. The girl whose butt he is grabbing is his best friend from his teens wife. LOL 

Their 18th birthday

100 bucks!!

He thought he was the shit. LOL

With our other brother, Allen. He lived with us for 3-4 years and became like a brother to us.
Always spoiled by Mom and Dad.

With his twin, Nicole, our brother Allen and Allen's wife Shannon

He had an absolutely beautiful smile.

Our wedding, he decorated the trucks. he did both because he didn;t know which we were going to use. Notice where he wrote Just, he started to write 2 S's instead of st. he said he forgot he wasn't writing his name! LOL

He was so excited about my wedding!

He tried to make us all 3 fall.

As you see, he was my aggravating little brother. I could not believe he did this!

He and our cousin, his best friend

They loved to shock people! This was their way of getting the party started. LOL Everybody saw this and it really pumped up some action, especially laughing!! Both had steady relationships and people kept asking me if they were swingers! I kept saying, no they're cousins! LMAO

My brother and his twin sister. He was best man and she maid of honor.

My mom and her only son.

My brother and his twin again.
My last picture of him, he was mad because we woke him up.

My wedding was the last time my brother was with his twin sister. She moved a week later to Montana and hadn't been back until his accident. Please pray that our family can find peace and that my brother is in paradise. We have lost a huge part of us and God will he be missed. He was cremated and no sits upon my parents headboard shelf. Lil bro, you can now sleep with Mama and Russ every single night like you always tried to do as a kid. I love you and will miss you so much. We will never forget you and all of our kids will always know who their Uncle Russ was. We love you Dude. 

Rest in peace Lil Russ

Guy Russell Railing, Jr
May 7, 1985-May 9, 2013
We will always love you and miss you.

Monday, May 6, 2013

Time to Get Healthy

           So as most of you know, we have been trying to get pregnant for a year now. Well, over the course of a year I have taken different fertility medicines. A bad side effect of these medications is weight gain. I have gained 24 pounds since starting treatment in January. I have went up a size in clothes and this size is getting tight on me.

            Being overweight can affect fertility. I will continue treatment, but will be eating healthy and exercising while in treatment. I will not be able to do heavy workouts, but will be able to walk during treatments. Heavy exercise can damage the ovaries while they are being over-stimulated.

            My exercise routine until I start treatment in about a week or 2 is:

  • Walk 1 hour each day
  • Lunges
  • Crunches
  • Stairclimbing 20 minutes a day
            My diet will be to lower my sugar and fat intake, but to continue to eat healthy.
            A sample day I have planned is:

  • A small cup of coffee with 2 teaspoons of sugar and 1/8 cup of milk
  • 2 egg whites or other high protien food
  • 1 piece plain WW toast
  • 1.5 cups of lettuce
  • 1/2 avacado
  • 1/2 cup shredded chicken breast
  • 1 lime
  • 1 tostada
  • Water
           Snack (to be eaten throughout the day)
  • 2 carrots with lime juice
  • 1 Apple or other fruit
  • 1 cup plain popcorn
  • Broiled Milanesa
  • 1/2 potato with salt
  • 1.5 cups broccili
  • 1 cup stewed tomatoes
  • 1 cup of sweet tea 16oz
          2 liters of water a day ( I may mix it with lime juice for flavor)

        I plan on having 1 meal a week to eat what I want so that I don't risk fall back. I am a chocoholic so I will eat something chocolate for dessert during this meal.

        I hope to get pregnant during this cycle. If I do, I will continue to eat healthy, but will add calories accordingly. I don't want to overeat or eat empty calories causing me to gain excessive weight as I did with my other kids. I only want to gain at most 20lbs during my pregnancy, but would like to gain less if it will be ok. I now weigh almost as much as I did when I had my kids so I really don't want to gain that much more.

        If I get pregnant, I will continue my exercise routine. 

       I am very busy, I work fulltime, go tot school fulltime, and homeschoool my kids so I don't have time to fix meals really. Any ideas on quick easy low fat, low calorie meals I can eat while working?